Aggressive—or Just Forthright?

Concerned with the growing aggression you see in your co-workers. Successful people have to take-charge people, but you don’t have to adopt aggressive behaviors to survive.

I see aggression as stepping on someone else’s rights to get your own needs met. Assertiveness is pursuing your own rights and needs without infringing on someone else’s. See if you can pinpoint the behavior of your new co-workers in these 16 questions. They’ll help you sort what’s aggressive and what’s assertive behavior. They’re from Anger Kills, by Redford Williams (Harper Paperbacks):

1. The person who cuts his hair trims off more than he wanted.

A. He’s likely to tell him or her what a lousy job he or she did.

He’s likely to figure it will grow back, and resolve to give

his instructions more forcefully next time.

2. There have been times when he was very angry with someone.

A. He has, on occasion, hit or shoved them.

B. He was always able to stop short of hitting them.

3. He sometimes argues with a co-worker or boss.

He finds profanity an effective tool.

He hardly ever uses profanity.

4. Sometimes he keeps his angry feelings to myself.

He believes that doing this is usually a bad idea.

He thinks that doing so can often prevent him from making a mountain

out of a molehill.

5. Another driver butts ahead of him in traffic.

He usually flashes his lights or honks his horn.

He usually stays farther back behind such a driver.

6. Someone expresses an ignorant belief.

He’ll try to correct him or her.

He’s likely to let it pass.

7. Someone is being rude or annoying.

He’s likely to think he might have to get rough with him or her.

He’s apt to avoid him or her in the future.

8. He’s around someone he doesn’t like.

He usually finds it hard not to be rude to him or her.

He usually tries to end the encounter as soon as possible.

9. A friend or co-worker disagrees with him.

A. He’s apt to get into an argument with him or her.

B. He’ll try to explain his position more clearly.

10. Someone is speaking very slowly during a conversation.

He’s apt to finish his or her sentences.

He’s apt to listen until he or she finishes:

11. He has strong beliefs about rearing children.

He makes sure that they know what the rules are.

He tries to reward them when they behave well.

12. There have been times in the past when he was really angry.

At times he has thrown something or slammed a door

He has never thrown things or slammed a door.

13. He disapproves of something a friend has done.

He usually lets him or her know about it.

B. He usually keeps such disapproval to himself.

14. A friend calls him at the last minute to say that he or she is "too tired to go out

tonight," and he is stuck with a pair of $50 tickets.

He’ll probably tell his friend how inconsiderate he or she is.

He’ll probably find someone else to go with.

15. Someone is hogging the conversation at a party.

He’ll probably look for an opportunity to put him or her down.

He’s likely to move to another group.

16. He holds hold a poor opinion of someone.

A. He’s likely to let him or her know about it.

B. He’s likely to keep it to himself

Count the number of “A” answers. If the score is 0 to 3, the aggression level is very low; 4 to 6—the aggression is borderline; 7 or more—serious steps are needed to reduce the aggression level.

Should you adopt aggressive behavior? Only if you feel comfortable being aggressive, although you’re not likely to succeed over the long haul. If co-workers scored high, they’re likely to turn off more people than on. Their ability to impress the sales manager may have more to do with how they interact with customers to produce results—behavior you don’t see. My experience suggests that people cannot be successful over the long haul with aggressive behavior. I recommend you focus on being forthright—and focus more on the “B” answers. I also think a boss who admires aggressive behavior is a dinosaur—and probably won’t be able to survive in today’s more collegial, matrix-like environment.