Desk Rage: How to Handle It

Q. I don’t know if this is more of a personal issue than a workplace problem, but

sometimes I get so frustrated with what I have to put up with that the anger almost consumes me. I’ve read about “road rage,” and this feels like that right at my desk.

What’s going on? —Bob M.

Feeling rage is a business as well as a personal problem, and it’s important that you deal with it. Workplace stress and long hours are causing more and more employees to break down under pressure, according to a telephone survey of 1305 working adults by Integra Realty Resources. Some highlights:

• More than 40 % said that yelling and verbal abuse takes place in their workplace.

• Nearly 30% admitted to yelling at co-workers because of stress.

• Nearly a quarter (23%) were driven to tears because of workplace stress.

• Two-thirds (65%) said workplace stress is a problem for them at least occasionally.

• Nearly 20 % had quit a job because of stress.

• One-third said unreasonable deadlines added to their stress (30%), with 33%

blaming an excessive workload.

• Fifty percent said they commonly skip lunch to complete their workload, and

more than half said they've worked more than 12-hour days to meet deadlines.

Bullies a Major Cause

It’s clear that your feelings aren’t unusual, and that many people in the workplace have experienced the same feelings you have. Another frequent cause of desk rage is being bullied—suffering from many small incidents of being bullied over a long period of time. Tim Field, author of Bully In Sight, estimates that half the population has experienced bullying, and offers several work examples of bullying (more on the web site-- www.successunlimited.co.uk-- Bully Online) that can cause desk rage:

• Constant and trivial nit-picking, fault-finding and criticism.

• Along with the criticism, a constant refusal to acknowledge you, your contributions,

achievements, your existence, and value.

• Constant attempts to undermine you and your position, status, worth, and value.

• Being singled out and treated differently (and badly) than others.

• Being isolated and separated from colleagues, excluded from what's going on,

marginalized, overruled, ignored, sidelined, frozen out.

• Being belittled, demeaned, shouted at and patronized, especially in front of others.

• Having your responsibility increased but your authority taken away.

• Being denied training necessary for you to fulfill your duties.

• Having unrealistic goals set, which change as you approach them.

• Deadlines that are changed at short notice—or no notice—and without your being

informed until it's too late.

• Being subjected to disciplinary procedures without verbal or written warnings.

What to Do?

Early intervention can make an enormous difference when dealing with desk rage.

First,

take charge of your rage. List what’s causing the anger, then develop some

positive strategies—action plans—to deal with it:

• Rehearse standing up to those who are causing you stress, then do it.

• Build your self-esteem and self-confidence by focusing on your

successes, talents, good friends, positive relationships.

• Try to identify the emotions you feel as a result of the rage—such as feeling

worthless, helpless, inadequate, sad, humiliated—and realize that

these feelings are natural—and that you can use positive thinking to

overcome them and feel good about yourself.

Second,

relieve your stress by distancing yourself from the problem, generally by leaving the office environment for a while. A walk around the block or enjoying coffee in the downstairs lobby can provide the space necessary for you to regain control of your emotions. (When I’ve suggested this in seminars, some would insist they couldn’t get away. No matter how many suggestions I made, they found excuses. It took me awhile to realize that many were chronic victims, and either couldn’t or wouldn’t change their behavior, workloads or priorities. If you see yourself in this category, you might want to consider professional counseling to correct the problem.)

Third,

managers can help by keeping up with their employees’ outside lives, and establishing an open door for workers to discuss problems that may be affecting their job performance.

Fourth,

companies can offer anonymous employee assistance programs to provide staff with confidential counseling. (If you’re offered this benefit, don’t resent it or fight it—welcome it. It could change your entire outlook about life and work.)

Fifth,

stand up to any bullying. Bullies get away with it because people let them. When we don’t back down from a bully, we’re often surprised at how quickly the bully backs off. Most bullies are really cowards, and pick only on people they know won’t stand up to them. Hold your ground. And focus managing any rage from the start—when you first feel it. Peace.