Failed at Something? Use it As a Stepping Stone

Q. I just messed up a major project because I didn’t plan my time well, and got a major chewing out. The boss told me I failed my team and I’m pretty low right now. Any suggestions for rebuilding my connection with the team and the boss—and feeling better about myself? —Emily T.

A. You’ve used the right word—rebuilding—and you have opportunities in all three relationships. I hope your boss also told you that you’re still valuable in the department, putting your failure in context. If you don’t think this is the case, maybe you’ll have to start thinking about ways to build your relationship with your boss—or look for another job.

But don’t do that until you’ve rebuilt your own self-image and analyzed what went wrong.

First, write down all the good things you know about yourself, your performance and your career. Then list the things you need to correct. I’ll bet that your assets far outweigh your liabilities. So admit you messed up, and realize that this happens to all of us. A friend once gave me a great book, Great Failures of the Extremely Successful, by Steve Young (Tallfellow Press, Los Angeles). It’s loaded with encouraging stories of well-known people who failed, then overcame the setback, and used the experience as a steppingstone to success. Some examples:

• In 1954, Elvis Presley was fired from the Grand Old Opry after only one performance. He was told by the manager, “You ain’t goin’ nowhere, son. Better get y’all job back drivin’ a truck.”

• Oprah Winfrey was fired from her reporter’s job and told, “You’re not fit for TV.” She didn’t let that keep her from becoming one of the most beloved and successful—and the richest— women in television.

• Babe Ruth spent his childhood years in an orphanage and then struck out 1,330 times on his way to 714 home runs and baseball immortality.

• In 1962, Decca Recording rejected the Beatles: “We don’t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.”

Use your recent setback as a lesson in life—an opportunity to grow. Take a piece of paper and analyze what went wrong, why, and what you can do about it.

1. Identify the problem.

- What happened? What didn’t?

- What do you know about the problem?

- Have others had the same problem or failure? Why or why not?

- Who was involved? Who wasn’t? Was this part of the problem?

2. What caused the failure?

- Which are the most realistic causes?

- Which are the most likely?

3. Ask yourself: "What did I want to happen?"

- What could you have done to correct, limit, stop the problem?

- What changes will you now make—in the way you manage yourself,

your time, your relationships, your problem-solving ability to make sure

this doesn’t happen again?

Once you have a clear picture of what you did wrong and how you’ll make sure that it doesn’t happen again, meet with your boss. Show how you analyzed issue, and your plans to prevent this from happening again. (It’s best if you have the analysis in writing—along with your action plans—to show how serious you are about correcting the problem.) Then, ask for feedback on your solution. This isn’t the time to blame others or the system. Simply show what you plan to do to control the things and events that you can.

Take his or her suggestions seriously and show your commitment to change. Set benchmark times when you can meet again to check how things are going. If possible—and appropriate—ask the boss to mentor you—help guide your actions to assure the problem won’t happen again.

Then, ask for a time to meet your team, and share the same analysis with them. Ask for their suggestions. Let them know you’re committed to improvement and to the team’s success. Then start putting your plan together. For each change you want to make, take these steps:

l. Write down each step or goal: what you want to do differently.

2. Create a timetable to complete each step, and a specific deadline.

3. List any obstacles that could get in the way of your success—and what you’ll do to

overcome them.

4. Identify the resources (people; places, things) that can help you succeed.

5. List the skills or behavior changes you’ll need to achieve each step.

6. Develop action steps, each beginning with an action verb: read, meet with, attend.

7. List the benefits of making the change happen (what’s in it for you?)

Then get busy making the necessary changes—looking forward for your next success, instead of looking backward, reliving your discouragement and trying to place the blame. And enjoy this important, next step in your career.