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Feedback: Your Golden Opportunity for Growth
Q. I've been told I'm pretty good at giving my staff feedback. But recently I've realized that I'm not getting much feedback myself. How can I get others to open up with me? —Wendell T. A. Getting others to give you honest feedback is critical if you're going to grow personally and professionally. Many people don't like hearing criticism, so they find ways to shut out feedback. The fact that you want to hear bad as well as good news is a great start. Consider this: All feedback is good. With any feedback, you learn something about yourself; you learn something about the person who gives you the feedback; and at the very least, you learn something about an issue that concerns you, which bears further thought. People tuned in to the feedback they get from others usually grow faster professionally and personally than people who aren't as receptive. Some suggestions on how to get good feedback: • Ask for it. Many people don’t like to give feedback that wasn't asked for, since some see it as uninvited criticism—and resent it. The former mayor of New York City, Ed Koch, often walked around asking, "How am I doing?" You can ask the same question—of your boss, spouse, co-workers, subordinates, customers. But you have to mean it when you say it, and show only appreciation for the information, not resentment. • Don't get defensive. The person giving you feedback is doing you a favor by telling you the truth. Try to see feedback as a gift—an opportunity to see yourself in a different light and, possibly, an opportunity to change for the better. • Listen. Don't prepare a rebuttal while someone is giving you feedback. Instead, summarize in your own mind what you're hearing, to make sure you got the message accurately. • Clarify the message often. Don't assume you got it right. Once you have a block of information, say to the other person, "I'm glad you told me that. Let me make sure I've got it right. You're saying that…" Then summarize the key points to make sure you heard them accurately, and say, "Please go on…this is helpful." • Focus on behavior. When you hear things that suggest an attitude such as, "Sometimes you seem down…crabby...distant…patronizing…" look for behaviors that may signal an attitude (not smiling much…responding in an angry or irritable way; making negative comments like, "Of course, that's not something I would recommend…") • Maintain control. Don't get angry, but give feedback when your own boundaries have been crossed: "Actually, everyone thinks of you as a rude person." That's not feedback; it's an attack. You might respond, “Hey, I asked for helpful feedback about my behaviors—not a kick in the butt. How about trying that one again?” • Project "open" body language. To ask for feedback and then stand with your arms crossed, your lips tightly closed, and your eyes glaring sends a double message. People react more to body language than what a person actually says. So, use your body to send messages that you're approachable, easy to talk to, and willing to listen: • Don't show boredom or impatience:
- Looking at your watch Consciously project openness:
Don't appear defensive or negative:
- Dropping eyeglasses to edge of nose - Peering over eyeglasses - Shifting the body away from the other person
Show positive, active attention:
Finally, if you're a manager, here's a great question to ask your people, "Is there anything I'm doing—or not doing— that stops you from being as motivated or productive as you'd like to be?" That should invite some good discussion. |
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