Harassment—Should You Fight or Flight?

Q. Six months ago, my manager transferred me to another department in another city with one day's notice and little explanation. It was supposed to be temporary, and my duties changed completely. I adapted well to my new assignment, and the new department liked my work, indicating that they’d like to keep me.

But when he realized he couldn't fill my position ( and had to pay my salary in the new dept.), he’d often drop by unannounced and tell me that I was coming back to my old department. He actually gave me dates and told me to start packing. This went on repeatedly for over a year. When he wasn't telling me I was going back, he’d say that no one in the new dept. appreciated me and that I was just a "clerk", etc

Two weeks ago he gave me written notice that I would have to find and pay for some training to keep a certification that applies only to the old department—a certification I've held for over 25 years. (He gave all the other people who also missed this training in August a written make-up exam.) In the past, he has never required anyone to find or pay for this yearly training, and has always allowed anyone who missed this training to take the written exam.

I believe that I'm being harassed and that this is discriminatory. I'm starting to hide when I see him in the building and now have negative physical reactions. Please give me your opinion on what I should do. Francine B.

A. It certainly sounds like you're being yanked around--with little good reason. It also sounds like he's a bully. I'd be careful about using the word "harassment," because it has legal implications. Still, that may be exactly what is happening to you.

First, I'd recommend you outline what you think has been done to you unfairly, and document any expectations he's placed on you that he hasn't placed on others.

Then decide what actions you think should be taken—either by you or this manager—that are in your best interest. In short, outline a plan you think is appropriate, and fair for you

Next, I suggest you ask for a meeting with him. Don’t tell him any more than the general topic you want to discuss. Ask him to set aside an hour to discuss some concerns you have. If he won't agree to meet, you might say that you'd like to meet personally, otherwise you'll have to put your concerns in writing and that "takes it to a different level I'd rather not pursue right now."

Before you talk to him, fortify yourself with some assertive behaviors so you won’t back down. If you can’t get satisfaction from this meeting, and he continues to control your working in the new department, and the manager of the new department can’t or won’t fight on your behalf, then you have two choices: stay with the company or leave. If you stay with the company you have three choices: live with the harassment; go to Human Resources and file a discrimination charge; or ask for a transfer to another job. If you don’t want to pursue any of these options, you’ll have to look for work in another company. He has you in a no-win situation.

If you decide to stay, you’ll have to learn some techniques for dealing with this bully— as long as it doesn't hurt your emotional health, and you can handle it for the five years until you retire. On the other hand, if this guy wants to make your life miserable, there may not be much sense in staying if you’re going to get beat up emotionally. Maybe it's more important to leave and find peace of mind.

The way I look at it--if I know a person is a jerk, and what makes him a jerk-- I'm ahead of the game, and I can use people-handling strategies to be 1-2 steps ahead of him, and mess with his mind. It usually drives these guys nuts to have an employee whom they're trying to harass be pleasant, helpful, professional, and focused on producing results.

If you decide to go to HR and charge him with harassment, you may or may not get support. Some HR department are fair and run professionally, and some are clearly biased in favor of management. You need to know how much integrity your HR department has, because filing your complaint could make your working there even more difficult.

It seems to me that your bottom line is: what’s best for you for the next five years. Sometimes the hassle isn’t worth it—even if you have to take a cut in pay. But sometimes it’s better to take a stand and fight it out.