Holiday Parties: Beware!

Q. I'm fairly new in the company and want to make a good impression. Everyone's talking about this year's holiday party, and it sounds like everyone relaxes and enjoys a fun evening. But I've also heard some bad things about some company parties. How I should act? —Henry C.

A. It's great when people who work hard all year long can get together and celebrate their success and get to know each other a little better. If that's what the party is about—and stays that way—you'll have a wonderful time. But you're right to be cautious, especially when party-goers have been stressed out all year, and the alcohol is flowing freely.

You're Actually Working

But consider this: Any event or occasion—company-sponsored or not—where you interact with co-workers, is a work event. That means people will relate to you mainly as a co-worker—not as a close, personal friend—and everything you do or say will be viewed as coming from a co-worker. So, conduct yourself at the party as if you were on a coffee break or having lunch in the company cafeteria. It's good to relax a little, let more of your personality shine through, and show a personal interest in others you work with. It's not a good idea to think that you can have a few more drinks than usual and "let your hair down." That's a perfect way to jeopardize your reputation or career.

How about not drinking any alcohol during the event? You might be surprised to learn that many people drink only soft drinks, or just soda water with a slice of lime—especially at company parties. Or consider nursing a single alcoholic drink for the entire event. At most, I suggest you have no more than one alcoholic drink per hour. That will keep you within the blood alcohol level acceptable for driving safely—.08 per cent. (You wouldn't prepare for a company meeting by having three or four martinis, so why have that much at this company meeting?)

Listen—And Enjoy Others

You can have a great time at a party by just getting to know others better—by being a good listener. (People will actually remember you as a good conversationalist!) Talk about your outside interests and hobbies only if you're asked. You may be surprised to learn that many people don't want to know about your interests—they really want to talk about theirs. When you let them talk, they think you're really interesting!

Here are some conversation-openers you can use to get other people talking-so you can listen:

• “What are you working on that’s giving you the most satisfaction?

The most challenge?”

• “How do you relax off the job?”

• “I’m looking for new hobby—something to have fun with off the job and

expand my experience. Any suggestions?”

• I noticed pictures in your office of your kids on sports teams. How are they doing?”

Ask yourself, "If I wanted to spend an enjoyable time talking with someone, what would I want them to say? How would I want them to act?" Use that as the model for your conversation, your attitudes, and behaviors. And check out a new book: The Fine Art of Small Talk: How to Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Build Networking Skills—and Leave a Positive Impression by Debra Fine (Hyperion).

Finally, consider these do’s and don’ts:

Don't complain

about your job, the company, the management, the economy, or people you work with. Say how much you enjoy the challenges and opportunities for growth, even though they can be difficult at times.

Don't gossip

or spread rumors. It suggests that you don't have the facts; that you don't care about the possible damage gossip can do; and that you don't have anything worthwhile or interesting to contribute to a conversation.

Don't flirt

or try to romance a good-looking co-worker you've noticed all year long, simply because the booze is flowing or people are letting their hair down. Your target may not appreciate it, and others may discover what you're doing—which won't help your reputation. And you could wind up doing or saying something you'd regret after the party's over.

Do be the first to say hello.

Do check your body language

to show that it’s open and accepting—showing an easy smile, arms not folded.

Do try to meet new people.

A party is a great way to expand your network—especially higher-ups whom you don't usually have access to. (But don't hard-sell yourself or you pet project—bosses are there to relax, too.)

Do have fun; show enthusiasm.

This is a party, so let people see your lighter, warmer side. People like working with someone who's interesting and enthusiastic, rather than a whining complainer. Enjoy the holidays!