Q. I work with someone who is stubborn or negative about almost any idea suggested. If he weren’t so valuable to us technically, he’d have been let go a long time ago. How can I deal with him—and move forward? —Jennifer R.

A. Carefully, and with a strong sense of your own self-worth and emotional stability. Negative, stubborn people often stop or slow the progression of projects they don’t like. “Negative Ned” and “Stubborn Sally” are usually long-time employees—they know "ins" and "outs" of the company, the product, or the job. But instead of using their experience as a plus for everyone’s benefit, they usually project the negative side of everything--"We can't handle the project that way. We tried it before. It doesn't work."

They Hate Change

Negative co-workers don’t adapt well to change; they wants things to remain the same: "Don't rock the boat." "If it's not broken, why fix it?” Negative, stubborn people often have some power/authority (even if it’s only seniority)—that helps them get away with derailing so many ideas. Why this negative focus? It’s likely they had good ideas, suggestions and enthusiasm rejected early in their career by critical bosses. Given enough negative reinforcement, they learned to get recognition through negative behavior rather than positive. (It’s often easier and safer to say No to a new idea than to say Yes.)

How do you deal with these problem people? Don't try to prove them wrong.

Instead, ask them to give you more specific information: "George, maybe you can help us out. Exactly how did they try to merge those departments before? How many people were involved in the merger? Were those involved at that time pleased with the plan?"

Ask for Their Help

Negative people are often bitter and resentful, because they or their ideas were dismissed early in their lives. And that’s the key to reaching them. They often desperately want validation and respect—so work hard to validate them and their ideas. Ask for their help: -"George, how would you plan the merger if you were in charge? You’ve got the experience, and you have a good idea why it didn’t work before. Your experience and insights are valuable and we don’t want to make the same mistake again. Will you help me put a plan together so we can both present it at the staff meeting on Friday?"

If Stubborn Sally is the boss, she may feel threatened by you, especially if you project high enthusiasm, a positive outlook, limitless energy, and openness to change. Ask for her advice and help. Say that you value her as a mentor and need her help to get you over the stumbling blocks of corporate procedures:

“ Sally, I need your help to succeed in this project. You’ve been around here longer than I have, and you know what doesn’t work. Your experience as a manager can guide me through the minefield that’s ahead of us. Will you support me?”

What if you have to work closely with Negative Ned or—worse—you have to share an office with him? Identify the changes that will take place and ask what you can do to make working together easier during the project. Be prepared to help him in any area where he agrees to help you. Try to get him to agree on how you’ll work together; share the office; phone and copier; what behavior/comments are helpful—and which are not.

If you’re a supervisor of negative people, treat them as partners. Let them know of upcoming changes well ahead of time—always with the focus of valuing them as a resource. Meet with them regularly to discuss problems that could occur so there won’t be any surprises, and you can head off comments like, “I told you this would happen.” Put any problems back in their "court"—and ask them to find possible solutions. Invite them to approach the problem by summarizing in a report what didn’t work well in the past, and identifying action steps that may help overcome the stumbling blocks. It’s important to stay flexible—to use their ideas and suggestions to implement changes. Closely follow up on their progress. Praise them when things are progressing well, and let them know if they aren't. Ask what can be done to overcome any barriers they’re facing. When the job is completed, say how much you appreciated their help and let them know the impact of the changes. Give credit to them publicly for helping you and others move forward.

Show Empathy

In all cases it’s important to build or enhance a negative co-worker’s self-esteem: “It must have been difficult for you to see your ideas ignored. Why don’t we combine our thinking to take advantage of your experiences to keep us pointed in the right direction now?” Above all, stay upbeat and positive.