Q. I’m an engineer and am now working more directly with our customers to work out design details. Sometimes it feels like I’m giving up more than I should. My boss tells me to negotiate more, but I don’t know how. I don’t need a textbook—just some tips, techniques and a few key principles. Thanks. —Gordon L.

A. A great source for everyday negotiating techniques, as well as other business skills, is Alan Chapman, in Leichester, England, who maintains a website called businessballs.com— a free, online development resource for people and organizations. Here are some excerpts:

1. Be willing to walk away.

If you can't walk away because you need the deal so badly or because the other side is the only game in town, then you’re at a serious disadvantage. The more you need to secure the deal, the weaker your position, so avoid negotiating when you need the business or the agreement badly. That’s why smart negotiators almost always give the impression that they can go somewhere else—even if they can't or don't want to.

2. Don’t negotiate until you've got agreement in principle.

If you start to negotiate before receiving this commitment, you'll appear weak and concede ground—and the other person will have a better starting point. You’ll also have to give more concessions later to ensure a better finishing point for the other person. If you’re not sure that the other person is conditionally committed to the deal, then test it with a question: “If we can agree on the details, will you go ahead?”

3. Aim high, and avoid speaking first.

(If you're buying, aim low—even ridiculously low—but do it politely.) Your first “stake in the ground” sets the limit on your best possible outcome. Once you’ve established your position, you can’t later on move the deal closer to where you want to go. It'll only move the other way, because your opening position also fixes the other person's minimum expectation. Remember: “Whoever mentions price first, loses.”

4. Get the other person's full 'shopping list' before you start to negotiate.

Know what the other person needs, including personal and emotional aspects. Everything that is related to a deal has a value, and a cost. Negotiating isn't just about price and discount. It's about everything that forms the deal: specification, color, size, lead-time, contract length, penalty payments, get-out clauses, delivery dates, after-sales support product, and much more.

These are called variables, and each one affects the cost—some more than others—and buyers and sellers nearly always place a different value on each. Get the full list of issues written down and commit the other person to it. This is vital if you want to keep track of the values of the deal and the eventual outcome. You’ll also avoid your position being weakened bit by bit when the other person tries to introduce concessions late in the discussion. And remember that when you sell to someone in an organization or group, that person is staking his or her personal reputation in the organization on this deal—and won’t do it lightly.

5. Never give away a concession without getting something in return.

Smart buyers resist giving any concessions at all. The rule is simple: Never give anything away without getting something in return. If you do, you aren’t negotiating; you’re simply conceding.

6. Keep the whole deal in mind all of the time.

Buyers like to divide and erode a position, bit by bit). They’ll try to separate out single issues, or introduce new ones later. If you allow this to happen, your position will be eroded. Keep the full picture in sight.

7. Keep searching for variables, concessions, 'bargaining chips', incentives.

Smart negotiators will look for your concessions, but won’t offer their own. The more variables you find, the less you’ll have to give on price, and the more added-value you can build into the deal. 

8. Keep accurate notes, and show that you are doing it.

(The buyer stands to benefit from any lack of record, and some buyers “conveniently” forget things that are not in their favor. Controlling the negotiation is vital, since the other person may forget, misunderstand, or attempt to distort interpretation of what was discussed and agreed. Keeping notes shows that you’re in control, you’re professional, and you can’t be out-flanked.

9. Summarize and confirm understanding continually.

It’s your loss, not the buyer's, if you allow misunderstandings to develop. Getting positive agreement throughout the process also is psychologically important: it strengthens trust and commitment, and helps to ease the other person into an agreeable frame of mind. Finally, after the negotiation, give the other person clear written confirmation of the deal.