Q. This morning’s mail had a message I’d been dreading: I didn’t get the job I’d applied for. I’d gone through several interviews, I was one of their top three choices, and it took me three months to get to this point. Now I have to start over. I’m pretty discouraged. What are your thoughts? —Adelaide D,

A. The only real option you have is to stay positive, analyze why they didn’t choose you, and move on. If you’re fortunate to get the rejection in person or by telephone, ask the person for feedback that may help you to grow. And think of your applying for a job is really selling a product—yourself. So this may surprise you: even the most effective salesperson gets at least ten No’s for every Yes. This may help you realize that getting a No for a job application is the norm—not the rule—and help you put the rejection in perspective.

This doesn’t mean you should get careless, or not analyze how you might have done things differently. Writing in the Palm Beach Coast newspaper recently, staff columnist Lona O’Connor advises this when you get the brush-off: Take the job rejection in stride, then reassess. Here’s what she suggests to get back on track:

Move on.

If you think of this one rejection as a single event in your total job history, and it will have less of an emotional hold on you. The last thing you need now is anything that slows down your job-hunting momentum, or that keeps you from applying somewhere else. It’s important to return to your normal life, with some adjustments.

Don’t give up.

What you mustn’t do is reach a sweeping, negative conclusion such as: “I am worthless. Nobody wants me. My career is over. I should just give up.” Right now, you’re vulnerable emotionally; so don’t discount your goals and judgments. You are still the same person you always were, in spite of both the compliments and the rejections you may have collected during this job search. None of that affects what you were before, are right now and will be in the future.

Re-focus your vision.

Think of the upside of this setback as an opportunity to see things clearly. When we're in the midst of our life, with no big changes, we don't have this clarity, so it’s a rare gift. If you move forward thoughtfully, you may use this focused clarity and find yourself taking a different route from what you’d imagined. Your focus might sound like this: “I thought I wanted that job, but here's what I really want to do.” If your choice is to return to your present job, make the best of it. Use your newfound clarity—and some courage—to speak up and make changes. You may have more leverage than you think.

Ten Ways to Win

Executive, Career and Personal Coach Jan Gordon (qualitycoaching.com) suggests

these ways to deal with job rejection:

1. Don’t take it personally—keep it in perspective. Employers weigh many considerations when recruiting staff - many of these factors are beyond your control. Keep it in perspective; their decision doesn't necessarily reflect on you.

2. Don't try to get your personal validation needs met through an interview.

The results could be disastrous.

3. Don't focus on your past failures, as well as all the negative feelings

associated with the failures. Stay in the present; move on.

4. Focus on what you're really good at, and what you're passionate about. Don’t beat yourself up for not being perfect.

5. Ask yourself questions. Ask yourself questions so you learn from the

experience. What would you have done differently? What did you learn from the interviewing process? How would you have handled yourself differently?

6. Accept reality. Rejection is part of life—and certainly part of the job

search.

7. Accept responsibility; don't blame others. Without beating yourself up, accept responsibility for your part in the rejection. Take ownership for your contribution.

8. Realize that you're not alone. Every day, countless others are sharing your experience.

9. Seek out others—the mutual support and shared knowledge will be enormously helpful. Building a strong network could help you land the next job.

10. Re-Create Yourself! Find a place in your life that you can "go to the edge"

and be extreme. Don't take life so seriously. Do an activity you've never

done before and you'll rejuvenate yourself. This is where inspiration

emerges from - the creative places we go to when we get outside of ourselves and outside of our ruts.