Responsibility—New for You? Set Limits Fast!

I’m about to be given new responsibilities and a promotion, and I’m excited about the challenge and the good job I know I can do. At the same time, I’m worried, because there have been five others in the position in the last five years, and they all left in frustration, stress and disgust. My soon-to-be boss is big on control and “forgets” or denies he said something when the outcome of his direction doesn’t work as he had planned. Having this job even for a year would be a plus on my resume, but I want to keep my sanity, too. Any suggestions? – Frieda P.

You bet I have. Write a list of what you want and don’t want with this position and your relationship with the boss. Highlight items that aren’t negotiable, then ask for a meeting to talk about what you need from him/her. Then politely but firmly say what you want, and don’t want. Do NOT mail him the list, or even let him see that you have one. He’ll see it as a set of demands that threaten his authority, and will probably do one of three things:

• Reject any “list” immediately;

• Agree to everything verbally, just to get your commitment, then change or deny

what was said later on;

• Tell you it “sounds pretty good”, and say you both can work out the details later.

(The only details for later discussion are what you’ll do to comply with the boss’s wishes.)

Know Your Decision Rights

Find out how decisions will be made; who will make them, and under what conditions.

For example, can you decide which people to hire or fire? Praise or correct? Encourage or discipline? The boss has rights, too: setting budget limits and policy; long-range planning;

coordination and consistency with other organization units. Which decisions does she reserve for herself, and which for you alone? How much authority will you have?

If you have responsibility but little or no authority, it’s not a question whether you’ll fail or not—just when you’ll fail, and how much abuse or disrespect you’re willing to take before you decide you’ve had enough.

What Leadership Style?

Ken Blanchard (The One-Minute Manager) is a top authority today in what’s called “situational leadership”: choosing the right technique for the right situation or task. Depending on the amount of support and relationship involved, Blanchard (www.kenblanchardcompanies.com) identifies four styles of leadership: direct, coach, support, delegate. You and your boss have to be comfortable managing with the same style.

For example, if you like to use a delegating style, and your boss wants to be directive, you’ve got a problem. Agree up front on the style you’ll use and how he expects you to lead your team. (If he likes to direct with tight control, and you like to delegate with loose control, he’s likely to see you as weak, and may want to step in behind your back or reverse your decisions. Can you live with that?

Here are three more perspectives—a little irreverent—to leadership styles. It sounds like your soon-to-be boss might be using one or all three of them—hence the high turnover. If you agree, then realize that he's not likely to change his behavior when you're in the job.

Mushroom:

Keep your people in the dark, and feed them manure.

Seagull:

Be absent most of the time, then fly in and swoop around the room

screaming and squawking at everyone. Steal their food, then fly away

and let your droppings spoil everything in sight.

Elephant:

Make decisions only at the highest levels, with a lot of pushing,

shoving and trumpeting, with no visible results delivered for two years. (An

elephant’s gestation period is 645 days.)

Fight Now or Later?

I suggest you look at the good and bad points to this opportunity now, and be firm in setting your limits. If you’re going to have conflict with the boss, it’s better to have the disagreement out in the open now. If you can set and live with the limits, and hold your boss to the agreement, in writing, you’ve won. But if you give ground, then fail, she has even more ammunition to use against you, and the conflict or fight you’ll have later will be even worse. (If you have to eat a big frog and a little frog, eat the big one first.)

Finally, seriously consider the guidelines in the Serenity Prayer: Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.