Speaking Fears—Conquer Them Fast!

Q. My boss asked me to attend a divisional meeting for her and bring the group up to date on what we’re doing. I’m petrified. It’s not a stand-up presentation, but I’m still afraid to speak up when it’s my turn. How can I get out of this? —Frank W.

A. Fairly easily, if you want to. Just say you're terrified, and probably won't do a good job. Then you can watch your career take a step backward as someone else steps up to this remarkable opportunity.

Your boss wouldn’t put you in front of divisional leaders if she thought you might embarrass her or your group. She expects you to succeed. When you shine, so will she. So let’s talk about overcoming your fears. Morton C. Orman, M.D., an expert on stress management as it relates to public speaking, has identified ten key principles to conquer the fear of speaking in public. When they’re followed, he says, we can turn speaking in front of others into an “invigorating and satisfying experience.”

Principle #1--Speaking in Public is NOT Inherently Stressful

Thousands of human beings have learned to speak in front of groups with little or no stress at all. Many of these people were initially terrified to speak in public. All it took was approaching their fear in the right way.

Principle #2--You Don't Have to be Perfect

That’s not what public speaking is about. Your audience doesn't expect perfection. Public speaking IS about giving your audience something of value. If people walk away with something of value, they’ll consider you a success. If they walk away feeling better about themselves, feeling better about some job they have to do, feeling happy or entertained, they’ll consider their time with you worthwhile.

Principle #3-- You Need Only Two or Three Main Points

People remember very little of the information speakers convey. All your audience wants from you is to walk away with one or two key points that will make a difference to them. This also should make your job as a speaker much easier—and more fun too!

Principle #4--You Need The Right Purpose

No matter how good a job you do, someone will disapprove of either you or your argument. So it's foolish and unrealistic to try to get everyone in your audience to think well of you. The purpose of public speaking is not for you to get something (approval, fame, respect, sales, clients, etc.) from your audience. It’s to give something useful to your audience. And giving of yourself is rarely stressful or anxiety-producing.

Principle #5—Just Be Yourself!

Most successful speakers got that way by just being themselves—and sharing it. And they discovered how much fun they could have. Just go out there, armed with a little knowledge and a few key points, and be yourself. Just talk to them.

Principle #6—Use Humility and Humor

If being humorous feels comfortable for you, or if it fits your speaking situation, go for it. It usually works, even if you don't do it perfectly. Being humble means sharing some of your own human frailties, weaknesses, and mistakes. When you show that you're not afraid to be yourself, you create a safe, intimate climate where others can acknowledge their personal shortcomings as well. People can connect with you more easily.

Principle #7-- Nothing "Bad" Will Happen!

Inexperienced speakers sometimes dread that something awful, like public humiliation, will happen to them. But you can turn anything that happens to your advantage. Even if people get up and head for the door, you can stop what you’re doing and ask, “Was there something I did that was offensive to you? I'm sorry to see you leave."

Principle #8—Don’t Try to Control Your Audience’s Behavior

Thinking you need to change or control other people is always hidden cause of stress. It's as true relating to a group as it is for relating to your friends, spouse, children, or others Just control yourself: your preparation and delivery.

Principle #9—Don’t Overprepare

If you know your subject well, you may need only a few minutes to prepare sufficiently: Just remind yourself of the two or three key points you want to make, along with several good examples and supporting facts, and you're ready to go. Prepare just enough to feel confident that you know your topic well and have something valuable to share with your audience. And look for opportunities to speak on your topic as much as possible.

Principle #10--People Want You to Succeed

Most audiences are very forgiving. While a slip of the tongue or a mistake of any kind might seem a big deal to you, it doesn’t mean much to your audience. Just be yourself, and share something of value to your audience. And keep on speaking.