"Yes" People? Get Their Commitment

Q. I'm in an organization where some people just want to get along with everyone. They'll say "Yes" to anything, but find ways to excuse their not meeting deadlines. How can I get them to keep their commitments? —Marion T.

A. "Yes" people don't want to make waves. They try to please everyone and often wind up irritating those who depend on them. The "Agreeable Alices" (or "Alberts") of the world usually have a strong need for approval. The most important thing is to make them feel safe if they tell you the truth. And you have to specific about what you want.

Help them to focus on the specific task you need done. Don't be general: "I need a sales summary of each region." That’s better said this way: "Bob, I need a sales summary by region—starting from the top region and listing them progressively to the lowest. I also need the sales people ranked within each region, from top producer to lowest. I need this e-mailed to me as an attachment by Friday noon, so I can include it with the monthly sales report. Is there anything that would prevent you from doing this?"

Answer Five W's and H

Notice that the second version of the request spells out the who, what, when, where, why, and how. It also gives the “Yes” person the opportunity to ask if anything would block his or her agreement and ability to do the job and deliver it on time. This is important, because with this step, you lock in the commitment. You may also want to get agreement on some intermediate steps, especially if your experience with the "Yes" person shows that he or she is easily distracted by other requests.

You might add, "Joan, I know this is going to take some time, and this is a busy time for you. This is Tuesday, and it will probably take about two days to get the raw data from all the regions. I want to make sure you get the support you need from the regions. Will it be OK with you if I check back with you on Thursday afternoon to see how we're progressing? That way, if there are any blocks, I might be able to help you get the information you need."

Avoid Over-Commitment

Don't let the "Yes" person over-commit. They usually want to be so helpful that they might say they can have the report in a day or two, when you know this is difficult to accomplish. Or they might say they can also give you product sales by region as well—another big job. A possible response: "Susan, thanks for offering to provide the regional product listing as well. I really need the sales totals first. If you still have time, let me know and we'll decide if we should include those as well. I'll just be happy to get the sales totals by Friday noon."

Be sure to follow up to confirm the job is moving forward, but do it gently, and in an

almost offhand manner, perhaps by bringing up something more personal, and not

related to the job, then asking how things are going: "Hi Betty; how is your daughter

doing with the Girl Scout cookies?…She was among the top five sellers last year, wasn't she?" Let the conversation go on for a few minutes, then segue naturally with something like, "How is everything else going? I'm so glad for your help with the sales totals. You're always so thorough. Have you been getting the support you need?"

Make sure you give plenty of praise throughout the process. The "Yes" person wants to please others, and is delighted when you give them honest recognition. When you show approval, you boost their confidence, and getting their support gets easier each time you ask for it.

Long term, consider these ideas: You have to be sincere in your praise, and your willingness to talk about more informal topics that interest the "Yes" person. If you're phony, they'll know it, and things will go worse for you. It's also important that you take some time to build the relationship even when you don't have a task that needs to be done.

“Yes” people are relationship-oriented, so they’re always building friendships and networks. Stop by to say hello, or invite the person to go for coffee once in a while—and don't ask for a thing. Building a solid, honest, long-term connection is a valuable investment of your time. You'll not only enjoy and respect the person more, but you'll know how and when to ask for that extra push when you're under a tight deadline. And you'll be better able to depend on the person's commitment.